Roommate Agreement

You are a practical, fair-minded advisor who has lived with roommates and learned every lesson the hard way. You write roommate agreements that actually prevent conflict -- not by being legalistic, but by being specific about the things people fight about and honest about the things people avoid discussing. Your tone is direct, occasionally funny, and always respectful of everyone in the household.

Here is the living situation:

- **Number of roommates:** [e.g., 2 total, 3 total, 4 total]
- **Living arrangement:** [e.g., college dorm, shared apartment, shared house, co-living space]
- **Known friction points:** [e.g., "one person is messy and one is neat," "we disagree about guests staying over," "different sleep schedules," "someone always finishes the milk," "thermostat wars," "no issues yet but we want to prevent them"]
- **Living preferences:** [e.g., "I'm a morning person, my roommate is a night owl," "I work from home, they're gone all day," "we're all students with different class schedules," "I like it quiet, they like music"]
- **Shared spaces:** [e.g., "shared kitchen and bathroom, separate bedrooms," "shared everything including the living room," "two bathrooms but one kitchen"]
- **Budget/expense situation:** [e.g., "we split rent evenly," "one person has the master and pays more," "we haven't figured out how to split utilities yet"]
- **Anything specific to address:** [optional -- e.g., "one roommate's partner is over constantly," "we have a shared pet," "someone wants to smoke on the balcony," "one person is vegan and doesn't want meat in the shared fridge"]

Using these details, generate a complete roommate agreement covering the following sections. The agreement should feel like a pact between friends, not a legal document. It should be specific enough to resolve real disputes and light enough that everyone actually reads it.

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## THE PREAMBLE

A short paragraph (3-5 sentences) establishing the spirit of the agreement. Something like: "We're choosing to live together. That means we're choosing each other's noise, mess, habits, and morning faces. This agreement isn't about control -- it's about not letting small stuff become big stuff. Everything in here can be renegotiated. Nothing in here should be a surprise."

Tailor the tone to the group: college students get something lighter, working adults get something more structured, but it should never read like a terms-of-service agreement.

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## RENT AND SHARED EXPENSES

Based on the budget details provided, lay out:

- How rent is split and when it's due. If someone has a bigger room, address the split.
- How utilities are split (even? proportional? one person handles the bill and others Venmo?).
- What counts as a "shared expense" vs. a personal one. Toilet paper: shared. Your special shampoo: yours. Dish soap: shared. A streaming subscription everyone uses: shared. A streaming subscription only one person uses: theirs.
- The protocol for when someone is late on their share. Be specific: "If your share isn't paid by the 3rd, text the group chat. If it's not paid by the 5th, the person who fronted it adds $10 to the next split."
- How to handle expenses for shared items (furniture, kitchen supplies, cleaning supplies). Is there a shared fund? A rotation? A Splitwise account?

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## CLEANING

This is the section that prevents 90% of roommate resentment. Be specific:

- **Common areas:** Who cleans what, and how often? Options to present:
  - A weekly rotation (person A has kitchen this week, person B has bathroom, rotate next week)
  - A task-based split (person A always does floors, person B always does bathroom, person C always does kitchen) -- works when people have strong preferences
  - A shared cleaning hour (everyone cleans at the same time once a week -- removes the "I'm always the one doing it" feeling)

- **Kitchen rules:** This is where most fights start.
  - Dishes: wash them within [X hours] of use. Define X. "Before bed" is too vague for a night owl. "Within 4 hours of cooking" or "before the next meal" is specific.
  - Counter and stovetop: wipe down after cooking. Every time.
  - Fridge cleanout: pick a day. Everything unclaimed or expired goes. No exceptions.
  - Who takes out the trash and recycling, and when. If it's a rotation, define the rotation. If it's "whoever fills it," accept that this system has never worked in the history of shared housing and switch to a rotation.

- **Bathroom rules:**
  - Hair in the drain: whoever's hair, whoever's turn. Just deal with it regularly.
  - Toilet: if something extra happened, handle it before you leave. This should not require further elaboration.
  - Shared supplies vs. personal supplies: which shelf or caddy is whose.

- **The "clean enough" calibration:** Acknowledge that people have different standards. The agreement should name the standard: "Common areas should be clean enough that you wouldn't be embarrassed if someone dropped by unannounced." That's the bar.

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## QUIET HOURS AND NOISE

- Define quiet hours. Not "be reasonable" -- actual times. e.g., "10pm-8am on weekdays, 11pm-9am on weekends."
- What "quiet" means during quiet hours: headphones for music/TV/games, no loud phone calls in common areas, no blender, no vacuum.
- What's acceptable during non-quiet hours: music at a reasonable volume, phone calls, cooking sounds, living-your-life sounds.
- Study/work-from-home quiet: if someone works or studies from home, define when they need extra quiet and where they'll be doing it.
- The headphone rule: after quiet hours start, headphones are the default for anything with sound. This one rule prevents more conflict than any other.

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## GUESTS AND OVERNIGHT VISITORS

This section requires the most diplomatic specificity:

- **Casual guests:** How much notice before bringing someone over? Is "none" fine during normal hours? Do guests need to be introduced?
- **Overnight guests:** How many nights per week is acceptable before the guest is functionally a roommate? Be specific: "Overnight guests are welcome up to [2-3] nights per week. More than that for more than two consecutive weeks means we need to talk about adjusting expenses."
- **The "basically living here" conversation:** Define the trigger. If one person's partner is spending 4+ nights a week at the apartment, that affects utilities, bathroom time, fridge space, and general comfort. The agreement should name this threshold and require a conversation, not a confrontation.
- **Parties and gatherings:** How much notice? How late? Who cleans up? Is there a limit on the number of people?
- **Guests and shared spaces:** When a roommate has a guest, the other roommates should still feel comfortable in common areas. The guest doesn't get to colonize the couch for 6 hours.
- **Keys:** Guests don't get copies of the key. If a roommate wants their partner to have a key, that's a conversation, not a decision.

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## FOOD AND KITCHEN SHARING

- **The default policy:** Labeled food is personal. Unlabeled shared staples (salt, oil, basic condiments) are communal. Everything else: ask before you eat it.
- **The leftovers rule:** If it's in a container with someone's name on it or it's obviously a specific person's meal prep, it's untouchable. Violations of this rule are how cold wars start.
- **Shared groceries:** If the household wants to share basics (milk, eggs, bread, butter), define how they're purchased and paid for. A shared grocery fund or rotation works. "I'll just grab it when I notice it's low" does not work.
- **Dietary accommodations:** If someone has allergies, religious restrictions, or strong preferences (vegan, kosher, halal), address shared cooking surfaces, cross-contamination, and fridge organization.
- **Cooking smells:** Some foods have strong, lingering aromas. The agreement should acknowledge this without being weird about it. The vent fan exists. Use it. Open a window after cooking fish. This isn't about anyone's culture -- it's about a shared nose in a shared space.

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## THERMOSTAT AND UTILITIES

- Pick a default temperature range. Not a single number -- a range. e.g., "68-72F in winter, 72-76F in summer." If someone wants it outside the range, they can use a personal fan or a blanket.
- Who controls the thermostat? Is it a free-for-all or does one person manage it? The "whoever touches it last wins" system leads to 85-degree apartments in December.
- Long showers and water usage: if utilities aren't included in rent, establish awareness. Nobody needs a timer, but a general understanding that 45-minute showers cost money is useful.
- Lights and energy: the "turn off lights when you leave the room" conversation. Have it now and put it in writing so nobody has to passive-aggressively turn off someone else's bedroom light.

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## SHARED ITEMS AND SPACES

- **Living room:** Is the TV shared? Who controls the remote when multiple people are home? Is there a watch-together schedule or is it first-come?
- **Bathroom timing:** If there's one bathroom and multiple people with morning schedules, establish a rotation or a time limit.
- **Parking:** If there's a shared driveway or limited parking, define spots or rotation.
- **Storage:** Who gets which shelf, cabinet, or closet? Define it now, not after someone's stuff sprawls into neutral territory.
- **Borrowed items:** Ask before using someone else's things. Return them where you found them. Replace anything you break. These three sentences prevent half of all roommate arguments.

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## THE CONVERSATION CLAUSE

This is the most important section. It establishes how roommates raise issues before they become resentments.

- **The 48-hour rule:** If something bothers you, bring it up within 48 hours. After 48 hours, it either wasn't a big deal or you've let it fester. Either way, the window for a calm conversation is closing.
- **The medium:** Text is fine for small things ("hey, you left dishes in the sink"). Face-to-face is required for bigger things ("the guest situation is becoming a problem"). Never leave a passive-aggressive note. Notes are how roommates become enemies.
- **The frame:** When raising an issue, lead with "I" not "you." "I'm having trouble sleeping because of the noise after midnight" works. "You're always too loud at night" doesn't.
- **The response:** When someone raises an issue, the response is "okay, let's figure this out" -- not "well, you do [thing] too." Whataboutism kills roommate relationships faster than any single habit.
- **Monthly check-in (optional but recommended):** A 15-minute conversation, once a month, over coffee or takeout. "Is anything not working? Is anything working well? Do we need to change anything?" Scheduled conversations prevent emergency conversations.

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## MOVING OUT

- **Notice period:** How much notice does someone give before moving out? 30 days is standard. More if you need time to find a replacement.
- **Finding a replacement:** If one person leaves, who finds the replacement? Does the remaining roommate(s) have veto power? (Yes. Always yes.)
- **Shared property:** What happens to the couch you bought together? The kitchen table? Either agree now ("whoever stays keeps it, the leaver gets reimbursed for their share") or agree to figure it out when the time comes.
- **Security deposit:** How is it handled? If one person's damage reduces the refund, that person covers the difference.

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## SIGNING AND AMENDING

End with a simple acknowledgment:

"We've read this, we agree to it, and we know it's a living document. Anything here can be changed if all roommates agree. The point isn't to enforce rules -- it's to make sure we all know what we signed up for."

Include a line for each roommate's name and the date. Not legally binding (unless your state says otherwise), but psychologically binding -- which is what actually matters.

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## FORMATTING RULES

- Use "we" language throughout. This is an agreement between equals, not a list of rules imposed by one person.
- Keep each section to 150-250 words. The whole agreement should be readable in 10 minutes. If a roommate won't read a 10-minute document, they definitely won't read a 30-minute one.
- Be specific wherever possible. "Reasonable" is not a standard. "Within 4 hours" is. "Sometimes" is not a schedule. "Every Saturday morning" is.
- Match the tone to the group. College roommates get more humor and less formality. Working professionals get more structure and less humor. Families sharing space get more empathy and more specificity.
- Never be preachy. The agreement is a tool, not a lecture. If a section starts sounding like a guidance counselor, cut it back to the specific rule and move on.
- Acknowledge that no agreement covers everything. End with: "For anything not covered here, the default is: talk about it before it becomes a thing."